coaching Archives - Kristen Conner Hill

May 12, 2020May 12, 2020

Let’s be real

Have you ever Googled a celebrity or had a conversation about someone widely known and come across articles or whispers about whether they’re genuine? “What is ___ really like?” “You’d be surprised by how down-to-earth he/she is.” “Did they really mean that?” When you read that, you trust that person a little less, don’t you?

Let’s be real– genuine and authentic is in! And it’s time for us to take some notes.

We all want to believe the person we are hearing from is being real. Accusations of being “fake” or “disingenuous” often cause a huge blow in the credibility department. That’s a crucial thing to avoid, as credibility builds your company and brand, cultivates a great image, and can be something you rely on during a crisis.

We have already talked about cultivating credibility during telework in a few different ways, but it’s important to realize that credibility is easier to lose than to gain. If you show your authentic leadership in the right way, it can drag your reputation further in the right direction and do wonders for your organization.

Authentic leaders are those who lead with a purpose, believe in the mission, and are generally relatable. Lead with empathy and don’t be afraid to be vulnerable! If you’re less like a robot, and more like a person, it stands to reason that you can be a better leader. After all, no one wants to follow someone they don’t trust or relate to.

Take, for example, Taylor Swift.

I am fascinated with Taylor Swift for a variety of reasons, from her incredible storytelling that I heard on her very first album to the ways we have in some ways grown up together (we are roughly the same age.) A self-proclaimed mega fan, I have always bristled at those who said she seemed, back then, squeaky-clean and too put-together to be real. The public speculation has gone from whether she has genuine talent, to whether her country-turned-pop is effectively good, to drama she has with other celebrities to finding herself free of that reputation. I confess proudly that I have loved her through it.

She has responded to those who found her to be manipulative, fake, wrong– and she’s done it on her own terms through songwriting to lyrics and more. Each album cycle, she has revealed more of herself in interviews and songs, and she has become more comfortable doing so over time. She never lost her relatability and the personal connection she had with her fans (me) from the beginning. Swift is undeniably a brand expert and no matter how you feel about her (or think you feel about her), you can not help but realize her genius at the craft.

There’s a line from the Netflix documentary, Miss Americana, that rings especially true for any public figure struggling with authenticity. Swift is explaining what it’s like to be an entertainer in the public eye, holding an audience’s attention for the sake of her art: “”Be new to us, be young to us—but only in a new way, and only the way we want…Reinvent yourself, but only in a way that we find to be equally comforting and a challenge for you. Live out a narrative that we find interesting enough to entertain us, but not so crazy that it makes us uncomfortable,” she says. Here, she’s showing how hard it is to balance who you are vs. what you show the world publicly.

Big stars like Taylor swift walk the line of living private lives and showing the world who they are in the good, and bad, times. That’s probably why everone’s publicists are so expensive!

But I think we can all learn something from Taylor’s journey: being authentically you is not always automatic. It’s a skill that you must keep practicing. And putting yourself out there can pay off in a big way.

Taylor’s songs are all about, well, her! They’re famously like reading her diary.

How is your message, or your speech, or your interview showing vulnerability and authenticity? Are you being real?

Whether you’re telling your workforce how you’re in this together, leading with experience, mentoring a team of younger employees, or sending a message during a triumph or defeat, show a part of you that’s genuine. Tell the audience something that you really believe and it’ll shine through. Let the workforce, or whoever you are speaking to, know how you feel. Let them know how you rose above adversity, how you took a chance to land that customer, how you weren’t sure it was going to work out. Let them in.

But it doesn’t take telling your deepest, darkest secrets from your diary pages to help an audience get to know you! Tell a joke. Own it if you make a mistake, and laugh it off (or, Shake it Off re: Taylor.) If something is awkward, acknowledge it and move on. Add some color to the remarks, like a story about your family or a silly thing you did once as a kid. What’s something that’s “you” that you can use to relate to others?

Let the audience see your human side, because when you tell them more they’ll be with you. Like, really with you. They’ll connect with you so your triumph can become their triumph. Your message becomes more appreciated. People will look to you as a presence they like listening to.

All of this builds trust. Your people will love how you got real. Authenticity is the key to getting them behind you, and helping your company be more successful because of it.

I hope this inspires you to get real and show some vulnerability to boost your own credibility! A parting three things: be genuine, learn who you are as a leader and allow others to relate to you! You won’t be sorry.

May 5, 2020May 5, 2020

Going the Distance

This post is different than what I usually share, but it’s very meaningful to me. Throughout the pandemic, I have struggled with (and mentioned it here!) how I will better myself, or change my world for the better, once normal life is allowed to resume. I decided that I would go the distance and truly become what I always wished I could be: a runner.

Anyone who tells you running is easy is either lying or bragging. I’ve never been good at bragging, lying or running, so before all this I’d have told you that running is impossible.

For me, it really felt that way. I always got shin splints when I tried to run, stopping before I ever really got started. My commute took time out of my day that I could be running. I really don’t like sweating. I didn’t feel strong enough, motivated enough or really worthy enough to start the ambitious task of becoming a runner. I also struggle with self esteem and body issues, which don’t help most endeavors in general. I had a lot of pressure working against me.

I’m not really sure if you’d call what I had last month a “breakthrough.” However, during the pandemic I reached a turning point where, after a conversation with someone I trust, I realized I could either do something about my situation or decide to be fine with it and accept myself as I am. That little realization that I was not ready to do the latter created a spark, which ignited my motivation.

I was ready to start going the distance.

I started strong: I read running blogs the day before I laced up, I practiced stretching and still do those stretches before and after a run, and I even started counting calories. I’ve begun a beginner strength routine so my muscles can keep up with the progress I’m gaining (slowly) on the pavement. I attempt yoga for balance and stretching on rest days. I bought new workout gear to stay motivated. I downloaded Couch to 5k and started a running plan to track my progress and push myself. It’s all going well, unless it isn’t.

Because still, it’s not easy.

I am often overwhelmed by the task before me when I step out the door to do my self-assigned run. Getting the gear on, braving whatever the weather is doing that day, feeling poorly about my odds of surviving… all of those things can reverse my motivation in a hurry. Sometimes, going the distance means cutting a run short because of leg pain. Sometimes, it means walking instead of running because of a stitch in my side. My feet can hurt for days after a run.

Going the distance often, for me, just means that cliche “putting one foot in front of the other” and focusing on my stride so I don’t get hurt and maintaining breath control when all I’d like to do is stop.

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When? When does running become “easy?”

I hope that when I am able to see my friends and people I work with again, I might walk a little taller and maybe even be a few pounds lighter. I hope that they see I have changed and that I am able to keep this up for good. I pray that I can become more positive and use this momentum to believe in myself. I fear that I’ll let myself lose focus and revert back to spending more time on the couch than my course.

But I know I have made a change that can’t hurt me. One tiny change led to two, to three, to a potentially new lifestyle if I really commit!

It’s as one of my friends stated: “Any movement that is faster than a stroll can be running.” Even though I walk-run, gasping for air when the timer goes off and I can slow down, it’s running. I am a runner right now, and I will be one as long as I’m able to just keep going the distance.

I think this commitment can be equated to what our world is going through right now. Coronavirus changed us, and it’s not been an easy journey. We’re all figuring this out in our separate places, isolated, taking it one day at a time. When it is safe to return to stores and workplaces, our society will be forever changed. Many of us fear we will forget those lessons. Many others know that life will look different than it did before. But we will be more committed, if we try, to actions that make us better: respecting each other’s personal space, not shaking hands, staying home if we are sick instead of toughing it out at work, showing compassion for one another in innovative ways, video chatting more often, and so much more.

I shared this story not to brag (because as I said I’m not very good at that!) but to hold myself more accountable to my commitment to be better. Going the distance is teaching me about myself and connecting me to a goal I’d long thought could not be achieved. How will you go the distance in your own way?

As always, a parting three things: stay healthy, be well and remember that every step counts.

April 30, 2020April 30, 2020

Finding Your Formula

Public speaking is tough, but finding your formula can help you master your own style and elevate your performance. Want to help your audience follow along with you, keep yourself from tripping up, or own your prep? Read on for 3 ways to find your formula for a successful speech.

We’ve all been there: you prepared the best you could, but you walk up to the mic and draw a big old blank when the lights are all on you and it’s “go” time. You try to look at your notes, but suddenly you realize how difficult they are to read. You try a joke you didn’t plan, but it falls flat. Suddenly, you’re standing in a spotlight and all you want to do is start over.

It doesn’t have to be this way! It takes practice to master a speech, whether it’s 5 or 50 minutes long. Your process can win the day, if you find what formula works for you.

Bring notes you can use in a pinch

Notes aren’t usually for you to read for the whole speech! They are just there to guide you and keep you on time and in flow. You should find a style of notes that helps you find your place easily, remember key phrases and move on without distracting the audience from your message.

For some executives I work with, finding their formula means using a notecard-style page with large font and a few phrases. I print them an outline on card stock and cut it to size so it can fit directly into their jacket pockets. The typed print is easier to read than handwriting, and the small size allows them to keep the card in their palm until they need it. It’s not terribly obvious that they have notes, and the format of the outline keeps them on track.

For others, it’s full-word sentences set to bullet points. Those can be tricky, even for the most seasoned speakers, because it promotes reading rather than speaking from the heart. It can also be easy to lose your place. I find that adding bold face type to key phrases within those bullet points, as well as breaking up the sections With Easy to Read Headings works well here.

As a reporter, I joined other news professionals with the one-page of keywords approach. I took a thin reporter’s notebook and, after a press conference, broke my story into a few key sections (usually who-what-where-why-how up top with what we know, what we need to know, and what’s next to follow.) Then, instead of a sentence or two I would just put a few key words. (Ex: Suspect, w/m with blue jacket; Still at large; no risk to public.) It helped me give people need-to-know details up top and then flow in and out of the live shot cohesively. Plus, if I needed to jog my memory I could keep talking as I looked down and easily found what I needed to say next. It took years to refine this but it worked every time.

The point is, if you find your own formula to what notes you need on the stage, you can eliminate lots of distracting awkwardness, reliance on filler words like “um”, and long silences.

Help your audience follow along

One way you can increase audience participation and retention of your message is to keep them engaged. But you have to make it easy for them!

Some speakers, like pastors, have fill-in-the-blank style notes pages on the back of handouts like the church bulletin. That way, the congregation can fill in the missing words as the sermon goes along. That always helped me keep track of the main message I needed to hear that Sunday.

Another way is to improve your speech flow. Everyone has heard some variation of this one: tell them what you’re going to say, say it, and then close with a reminder of what you said. It’s tried-and-true, and often your best sound bites from from the closing because it’s like putting a bow on a present and ties the whole thing together.

I am a huge fan of the “sandwich” approach: start with a metaphor or scenario at the top of the remarks, work through it in the body, and at the close come back to it.

If I were explaining how difficult it is to get to Mars instead of to the International Space Station, I would say, “It’s like a remote camping trip.” Then, I’d explain in the body of the speech how when you’re driving to a friend’s house, you know you can get your mom or your friend to bring you what you need if you forgot something or come get you if you want to go home. But on a remote camping trip, you’ve gone so far and you’re so isolated that you can’t go back and get something you didn’t bring with you. You have to either make what you need, use what you have or do without. Finally, at the closing of the speech I would explain how taking astronauts to Mars is like that remote camping trip.

Those techniques help an audience see the full picture and even remember it, so they can tell their friends about it later.

You can even do it with a quote. “As Wernher von Braun said, ‘I have learned to use the word ‘impossible’ with the greatest caution.” I once used this quote in the beginning of a speech, referenced it a few times in the middle as I explained what impossible things NASA was working to make possible, and closed with it to note how the speaker, through her time at NASA, had also learned to use that word carefully.

I love finality. That’s your chance to drive it home. I think these formulas can deliver an impact that closes beautifully, alert the audience that the speaker is wrapping, and give that speech a sense of purpose.

Use your medium to your advantage

Are you speaking to a live audience? On a teleconference? On video chat? Know the medium and use it to help you find the right formula for success.

Sometimes I imagine that a telecon is the greatest gift to a speaker because you can use your notes way more and nobody will be the wiser! It allows you so much more ability to focus on what you’re saying, because you don’t have to worry about how you look. Your notes for a telecon may look way different than your notes for a live event. Let that work for you! Practice staying on message AND on time without the pressure of an audience staring at you!

A video conference can allow you some “cheats” too! Your notes can stay on your screen, so it looks like you’re looking toward the camera when actually you are staring at your message. There is no need to be seen looking down: you can engage like never before this way. Use this medium to find your formula for engagement. Use facial expressions, gestures, and other body language to allow yourself to practice being natural.

We are getting a lot of this practice right now during a time of coronavirus. Use these to get even better so that once we are able to attend events and live, on-stage speaking engagements you’ll be better than ever!

I hope you can find your formula for public speaking success even though speaking may be different right now. Remember: every time you speak you are only getting better!

Use this time to start finding your formula and wow your audience! A parting three things: be safe, be encouraged and go present a clear message today!

April 6, 2020April 6, 2020

What to Tell Your Team During COVID-19 Telework

Here’s 5 things to help you decide what to tell your team during an uncertain time dominated by coronavirus headlines, as you work in unconventional ways.

Let’s face it: we’re living in a strange time. Telework is mandatory for so many of us who are privileged to have jobs that allow remote work. The virus appears to be closing in on our family or loved ones. Your workforce, likely scattered across your area instead of congregating at the same workplace, may feel anxious, stressed or fearful.

Consider that they also, like you, have a lot on their minds right now. Perhaps they’re working while keeping kids busy, taking care of sick family members, cleaning or stocking up on supplies.

Now, more than ever, they need a leader.

Now is your time to be more than just a decision-maker. The tone you set now, and the way you deliver your message, can make history for your company or agency and be more impactful than you may realize. Here are 5 things to tell your team, your workforce, right now:

“We are all in this together.”

This isn’t just a catchy High School Musical song: it really makes a difference for your workforce to know they aren’t alone in any struggles or confusion.

Whether they are choosing to self-isolate or under a government-mandated stay-at-home order, chances are your workforce is not socially active right now. This can lead to feelings of isolation that can be dangerous at worst and difficult at best. The American Psychological Association says, “loneliness can wreak havoc on an individual’s physical, mental and cognitive health.” If you can establish a community, or draw on the connection your team already makes with a feeling of community at the traditional workplace, you can remind your team they are just that: a team!

“Here’s how you can connect with our Employee Assistance Program.”

As someone who has considered, but never made the leap to use the employer-sponsored help program at one of my jobs, I’ll say it’s never unhelpful to have a nudge to check it out.

The Office of Personnel Management says an EAP is “a voluntary, work-based program that offers free and confidential assessments, short-term counseling, referrals, and follow-up services to employees who have personal and/or work-related problems.”

Your team is likely processing a situation, and the accompanying emotions, they have never experienced before. The EAP can help them maintain their mental and/or physical health and be a lifeline in a crisis. Drop them an employee communication about how to connect with your company or agency’s EAP and let them know it’s confidential, free and available 24/7.

“I will keep you informed.”

Your team needs to know you are looking out for them and that you will not keep them waiting for essential information. Tell them you’ll keep them in the loop, and then follow through by passing along updates on a cadence that feels best for your situation and organization. You walk the line of messaging so frequently that they tune it out and messaging not often enough to answer questions before the workforce thinks of them.

What is most important here is accuracy. You can be forgiven for being a little late on messaging if it’s accurate, true and easy to understand. It’s as they say: it’s better to be right than first. Just be sure that what information you choose to share is factual and relevant to your team.

“Your safety and health come first.”

As you decide what to tell your team, this is a big one. This must feel authentic as you say it, and it is key for your workforce to understand they are your priority. It helps explain many of the decisions you make in a crisis situation and can do a lot for a person who is struggling to know that you are looking out for them.

If we subscribe to what Abraham Mazlow wrote about the hierarchy of need, physical (food, water, health) and security (safety, stability) are two of the most basic needs for human beings. While Mazlow’s work has drawn criticism over the years, this still highlights how highly many of us hold those values in life.

In order to be a productive team, that team needs to be its best! You show you care for your people when you keep their safety and health at the top of your priority list.

“I don’t know at this time, but we are looking into it.”

Any good public relations professional will tell you that if you don’t know the answer to a question, sometimes the best thing to do is say a version of, “I don’t know.” It’s part of the recipe to cultivating trust and credibility. Rather than lie, or push through answering something haphazardly to risk getting it right, it can be beneficial to tell your team when you don’t have all the answers yet.

Maybe you don’t know when the workforce can return to work. Maybe you haven’t yet confirmed how many people on your team have tested positive for COVID-19, or how this affects what you do. Maybe you aren’t aware how many people a positive case came into direct contact with, but you’re working to track it.

The key to admitting you don’t know is to add a promise: “We don’t know yet how this affects our ____, but I will let you know tomorrow before noon.” Whether you are responding to media, or just your own team, this goes a long way. It allows a reporter to tell their audience when to expect more information, and it allows your workforce to look for your timely updates. It also shows what action you are taking to directly address the unknown.

Once, a reporter I admired told me that the best thing I can do when covering political stories is to avoid pretending I know things that I really don’t. He advised me that people can see through it, and it’s better to ask for clarity at the beginning than after the report (or speech) has run. It’s simple to say and even more simple in practice. Seeking answers is an important part of leadership.

Tag: coaching